loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
