also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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