i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
