her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
