I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
