He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
