the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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