i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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