woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
