I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
