so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
