Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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