Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
