brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i now understand why vodka
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize