my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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