D3 body, D1 cock
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
