Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
