Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
