We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
