I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
