I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
