i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize