I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
