they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
