shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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