mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
