Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
