my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Enjoy the penises
Sex in the backyard? Check.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
