Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
