well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
