Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
