we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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