my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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