that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
