then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nutella sex= disaster
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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