When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need to get me chipped asap
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize