she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
