Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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