I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
