dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
