Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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