THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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