To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
