You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
