i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
