Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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