Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
