I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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