then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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