I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have demons in me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
