It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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