we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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