Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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