He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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