He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
