Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
