I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
