So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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