i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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