Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
