he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
