Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
how does that bad decision feel?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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