i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
