Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize