Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
