If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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