Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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