it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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