I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
