Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
