i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
