I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
