So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
