we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
