We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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