You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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