Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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