I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize