I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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