Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your cock deserves a montage
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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