I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
