i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
