I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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