worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
