If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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