In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
