Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
