Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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