It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
