Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
