I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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