I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
FUCK WHALES
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
